


De Quervain

by v_nikki



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Angst, Bad Thoughts, Brotherhood, Family, Friendship, Huang Ren Jun-centric, Idol Life, Pain, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26064154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v_nikki/pseuds/v_nikki
Summary: Huang Renjun was fine.Until the day his body failed him.And he found himself in the darkest road leading nowhere.He thought he was alone.orAn AU where Renjun is hurt and denying the Dreamies of their help.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Everyone, Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun & Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun & Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun & Park Jisung, Huang Ren Jun & Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 6
Kudos: 78





	1. Entanglement

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello, hello NCTzens! This is my first NCT Dream fanfic and it is mainly centered on Renjun (because he's so soft and my inner masochist wouldn't leave him alone, hehe). The story is somewhat based on personal experiences and any similarities are purely coincidental. I hope you enjoy reading this and mind you, the journey will be angsty. That I can promise *wink
> 
> Have a nice day!

CHAPTER 1: ENTANGLEMENT

_Endure._

_Hold it in._

_Don’t think too much._

_It’ll go away._

_You’re not the only one hurting._

Renjun stared down on his right wrist, feeling the throbbing grew steadily for the past few hours that even the slightest shift brought out a wince from him. The base of his thumb was swollen, forming a shade of greyish purple almost identical to his birthmark on the dorsum of the same hand. His fingers were shaking, trembling from the constant assault going on with every movement and lack of care.

The young idol held back a sigh as he looked around him.

The photoshoot studio was as calm as it could be; staff moving about here and there trying to set things into motions while his own group members played around, already dressed and styled to perfection. Jaemin held his camera in his hands, lens focused on their maknae as Jisung posed for the umpteenth time looking like a heartbreaker before breaking out of character and smiling gleefully at the older.

Jeno was by the dressing area, lounging on a couch with his long legs crossed and eyes transfixed on his phone looking no less intimidating compared to Haechan and Chenle who were messing around at the corner of the room. They had been giggling throughout Renjun’s shots and the oldest would honestly be curious to know their subject of hilarity if it wasn’t for the pain.

The pain that had lingered on him for the past three weeks.

“Renjun-ssi?”

The photographer called out his name, and Renjun realized that he’d spaced out in the middle of his photoshoot. A quick apology left his parted lips and the small shake of head from the photographer did not go unnoticed by the idol.

He caught Jeno’s stare right across the room before his eyes quickly returned to the camera.

Renjun masked it off, pulling back into his concept and posing as the light flashes over and over until they were done with his solo photographs. The others had long wrapped up theirs prior to Renjun’s and were about to carry on with the group photoshoots when their manager called for a break, having arrived with both hands loaded with plastic bags no doubt containing their lunches. As if on autopilot, the Dreamies gathered around the table, eyes round and ogling the foods and drinks when they seemed to realize how hungry they were. Even Haechan and Chenle had stopped their bickering which had followed the fits of laughter seconds ago and turned their fullest attention to the smell intruding their senses.

Renjun would’ve never imagined the day he’d deny his hunger when the ache was constantly there to pull him away from it.

He stood behind the rest of the group and watched silently as the food went around, drinks passed from one hand to another and Renjun tasted bile rising up his throat as the throbbing on his wrist persisted.

“Injunnie,” Jaemin cooed from the table, motioning for the eldest to come closer to the group and join them. “Yours is right here.” He said, patting the seat next to him.

“Hurry up, Renjun hyung.” Jisung spoke from the other side of the table, eyes totally focused on his food as he indulged himself with his lunch. “We’re running behind schedules.” He told Renjun with his mouth partially full.

Haechan’s arm conveniently reached out and smacked the maknae on the side of his head.

“You don’t talk when your mouth’s full, Jisungie.” The brown-haired vocalist scolded, ignoring the disbelief look Jisung gave him.

“Jisung said he wants to finish early so he can continue playing his game.” Chenle chimed in, sitting opposite the maknae and beaming his trademark grin at his younger friend. Jisung said something underneath his breathe and Chenle squeaked before responding in a high tone voice. Haechan cut them off, trying to cease the noise when he ended up being involved as well and it was safe to say that chaos ensued. It was nothing out of the ordinary.

Except for the growing hollowness Renjun felt inside.

“Injun-ah…” Jaemin tried again, his eyes imploring from behind the blue strands falling over his forehead and Renjun didn’t get to say anything when a firm but soft push came from behind him in the form of Jeno. He hadn’t realized the other was missing from the table until he felt hands on his arms guiding him to the chair next to Jaemin. Jeno quietly placed himself next to Renjun so that the smallest was between the two, looking like a trapped fairy.

“Eat.” Jeno spoke curtly, and it almost made Renjun’s eyes teared up. That was the first word Jeno had spoken to him after their argument three days ago which resulted to Jeno giving him the silent treatment. He hadn’t spared a glance at Renjun but the small hesitance in his movement proved that Jeno had caught the look in the silver-haired’s eyes.

A hand came up on his back and rubbed small circles, comforting and assuring just the same. Jaemin always had that effect on Renjun, despite the currently blue-haired telling others how Renjun was the one he’d look for when he wanted to be taken care of. Renjun would definitely do the same if it weren’t for how things have changed.

How his mind started to whisper differently these days and his heart seemed to believe those thoughts as his eyes perceived things with unfamiliarity it made Renjun questioned what actually happened.

And he had yet to find the answer.

“I’m not really hungry.” Renjun looked at Jaemin, knowing the youngest of the 00 liner was waiting for him to grab his chopsticks. He could feel Jeno’s gaze burning on the back of his head.

“You skipped breakfast this morning.” Haechan pointed out suddenly, and Renjun noticed the noise had ceased as the younger two ate in peace.

He frowned at that. “Who told you?” He asked, and Renjun knew it came out the wrong way, almost accusatory when Haechan’s gaze flickered between the two sitting on each of Renjun’s side.

Jaemin cleared his throat mildly, stretching out the smile that usually meant no harm but Renjun wasn’t in the mood for it. He sent a glare to the former, his eyebrows furrowing and eyes narrowing.

Jaemin ignored those.

“How can you not be hungry after all that work, Injun-ah?” The blue-haired blinked at him and Renjun couldn’t help but notice his eyelashes as they fluttered. He’d almost caved in by then.

“I’m not.” He stubbornly let out instead, pushing away his lunch dismissively and getting up to excuse himself to the washroom.

Renjun thought he felt fingers reaching out for his sleeves but he must’ve imagined them because Jeno wasn’t looking at him.

Before he was out of the room, he heard Jisung’s voice calling out to him and said,

“Hyung, if you’re not eating can I have yours?”

Renjun simply nodded and disappeared.

* * *

_Three days ago…_

_“Why wouldn’t you just listen?” Renjun’s voice echoed in the living room of NCT Dream’s dorm, words bouncing off with frustration as his eyes bore holes into Jeno’s figure. The taller guy levelled his gaze at the Chinese equally hard, though his other features were a written affection as he watched Renjun slowly crumbled to his own misery._

_“No.” Jeno shot back at him, voice low. “You listen, Renjun-ah. We can’t keep acting like nothing’s wrong. You need help.” He was almost pleading at the end of his sentence, his effort turning futile the moment Renjun decided to ignore all sense._

_The eldest grabbed his hair roughly and Jeno pitied those newly-dyed-silver strands, tangled and ruffled and tousled, looking eerily like Renjun’s currently disgruntled soul._

_“I’m fine.” He exhaled, knowing as much as he knew it that Jeno had heard the lies behind those words. He’d said them too many times the past few weeks when he was anything but fine._

_Renjun wasn’t fine._

_His hands fell from his head down to his side, arms suddenly lost of strength and Jeno had never seen him looked so small, so fragile before._

_“I just need a few more days until-“_

_“I’m telling the hyungs if you won’t.”_

_His head snapped up, eyes locked on Jeno’s and they shone with hurt. Jeno’s reflected of imploration and Renjun would’ve seen it if his eyes didn’t blur too quickly._

_He cried so easily lately and he hated it._

_Renjun hated himself._

_“You wouldn’t.” He breathed, dejectedly looking at everywhere but his friend. He knew Jeno could see what was beyond him._

_He’d let Jeno in, and Renjun wished he hadn’t._

_“What’s going on?”_

_Jaemin’s voice croaked and his sleepy eyes were gone in a split second as he walked into the living room, blinking widely awake at the intensity fleeting between his same-aged friends. He stared at Renjun a tad longer, studying the way the older seemed to crouch where he stood yet trying, fighting to pull himself straight and whole._

_Jeno was as solid as ever. And he responded first, turning to his best friend and parting his lips to say,_

_“Jaemin, help me please.”_

_The blue-haired blinked several times. “Help what?”_

_“Nothing.” Renjun gritted between his teeth, wiping roughly at his face with the sleeves of his pyjamas and Jaemin would’ve cooed at how cute he was if it wasn’t for the atmosphere._

_Jeno pushed further, an arm stretched out to point at the Chinese guy as he said, “Renjun’s-“_

_“It’s none of your business, Jeno-ah.”_

_The words were uttered unexpectedly low, and Jeno never thought he’d heard them from Renjun._

_But the implication beyond them weighed more and he found his heart falling into a bottomless pit._

_He paused, mouth opened jaw slacked and eyes seeing nothing but his friend._

_His Renjun._

_Jeno’s arm fell to his side._

_Jaemin witnessed defeat coursing through Jeno’s whole demeanour for the first time._

_“Okay.” The brown-haired finally spoke, turning away from Renjun. “I get it. I won’t interfere with you anymore.”_

_The view of Jeno’s retreating figure burnt something in Renjun and he felt another part of him was lost._

_And somehow, when he was so close to tears, Renjun couldn’t find it in him to cry._

* * *

He gripped the edge of the sink tightly though his right thumb protested at the movement and the taut grew a string longer down his wrist.

Renjun cursed soundlessly, staring at the ugly bruise with hatred and sorrow that had built up in him, replacing all the shine and joy Renjun knew he once portrayed.

“Mian…” He whispered into the air, his ears the only audience to his broken cry.

He couldn’t keep this up, not unless he wanted to tear everyone apart and wreak havoc in their already shaken bond. Renjun knew he needed to do something, anything to make things right again, to return to the way it was before the stupid pain woke him up from his sleep three weeks ago.

He was smarter than this, stronger than this, and Renjun believed it. But the pain, the ache and the loneliness did something in him, changed him and now Renjun was helpless, defenceless.

He felt like he was anything but Huang Renjun.

And every time he started to feel detached from himself, the throbbing would pull him back to where he was, currently in the empty washroom. Alone.

A reminder of one of the few things Renjun had accomplished in a short amount of time.

“Renjunnie?”

Haechan’s voice broke him out of his short reverie, and Renjun reeled back to where he was, looking up to see one – perhaps the best – of his best friends standing by the door. The other vocalist stared right back at him.

Haechan’s eyes were clear but Renjun would always be able to see the tales behind them; the hidden fatigue and silent hurt beneath the bright smile as he juggled between schedules and dorms, displaying glee every second like an extension of himself when he was the one who had exclaimed that no one could be happy twenty-four seven.

Renjun could see how Haechan was barely holding on sometimes.

And he wondered if the latter saw similar patterns in his eyes as they blinked at each other.

Renjun prayed he doesn’t.

“Stop checking yourself in the mirror.” Haechan spoke as he walked to the sink next to Renjun, turning on the tap to wash his hands.

“I wasn’t checking myself.” Renjun retorted, noticing how his voice sort of trembled at the end and he knew Haechan noticed it. But he didn’t say anything.

“Good.” The brown-haired sighed. “Because I’ll always look better than you anyway.” He stated matter-of-factly, a playful glint passed his face as he smirked.

Renjun felt himself unconsciously grinning as well. “You wish.”

Haechan snorted. “Whatever. We’re starting soon so hurry up.” He said, this time turning away and walking out of the washroom acting as oblivious as he could. They both knew there were more to be shared, feelings to be let out and thoughts to be spoken. But Renjun also knew that Haechan wasn’t living in the same dorm as them, only coming around for their schedules when he couldn’t go back to NCT 127’s and the gap between them was none of Haechan’s fault.

Renjun definitely put the blame on himself.

He’d been pushing away gentle hands, prying off comforting fingers and denying his solace in the form of Lee Donghyuck.

All because he didn’t think he deserve it.

And when it comes to that, Renjun’s mind would bring him back to Jeno’s eyes – disappointment.


	2. De Quervain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Injun-ah.”   
> It took Renjun a tad slower than usual to respond.  
>  “Hmm?”  
> Jaemin’s pondering look was back on him, and Renjun wondered what had he let slipped this time when the younger’s face slowly morphed into a smile.  
>  He softly said,  
>  “You smell nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello there! Here's chapter 2 with less to almost non-existent angst but with a little fluff here and there, I think. Thank you for reading and have a nice day! *kisses

CHAPTER 2: DE QUERVAIN

The first morning Renjun woke up with his wrist feeling numb and dull was the same day that Zhong Chenle returned to the dorm to prepare for their upcoming comeback. The oldest of the Dreamies was still in bed when he heard the sound of the front door opening followed by a rather enthusiastic ‘good morning’ from the younger Chinese guy. Renjun could hear Chenle’s luggage bag being dragged across the floor and knowing that he’d be roused for breakfast by either the maknae or the second youngest – perhaps even both and the thought of it made Renjun involuntarily shuddered – he decided to get out of bed.

Walking out of his room and into the kitchen, Renjun was greeted with the smell of caffeine and the sight of Na Jaemin already manoeuvring around the small area, holding a pan in one hand while the other lazily placed on his hip. Nothing could make Jaemin looked less domestic than the pyjamas he was wearing, Renjun internally mused.

“Morning.” The oldest greeted, taking a seat on one of the chairs near the kitchen counter. Jaemin hummed as response, eyes fixed on the omelette he was making. There was also ramyeon boiling on the next stove.

“Do you want some?” Jaemin asked, though he was already preparing another plate of his breakfast. Renjun nodded his head wordlessly, getting up to fetch for chopsticks and spoons when he heard the noises coming from one of the rooms. He smirked knowingly at the sound of Chenle squealing and Jisung laughing as he sat back down.

“Here.” Jaemin placed a plate in front of him. “I’ll get you coffee.”

Renjun stared at his food, then blinked genuinely at his friend.

“Why are you up so early?” He questioned, having realized that their meeting with the dance instructor would only start in late afternoon and Jaemin would usually still be lazing around in his bed, similar to what Renjun had planned before Chenle’s arrival.

Jaemin blinked back at him a few times, both hands hovering with two cups of steaming coffee as he seemed to process the inquiry. He slowly moved to the counter and gently put the cups down before taking a seat next to Renjun.

“Jisung.” He shortly stated.

That did not need any further explanation when a door flung opened and a rushing blur of Chenle followed by the maknae went passed them.

“What was that?” Renjun asked, his head turning the speed of light at the retreating figures of his younger members as they exited the dorm.

Jaemin sighed and smiled, looking down at his food as he sipped his coffee.

“The other reason why I’m not still in bed on the very first day of us going back to work.”

Renjun snorted at that. “You and me, both.” He looked over to Jeno’s closed door and nudged his chin. “Someone’s still in bed.”

“Not for long.” Jaemin responded, taking a bite of his well-applause omelette. “Finish your food and help me wake Jeno up, will you?” He spoke while chewing.

Renjun looked over behind the taller guy, eyeing the pot of noodles still hot on the stove.

“Is the ramyeon for him then?” He asked.

“If you manage to pull him out of bed.” Jaemin shrugged matter-of-factly. Then added as an afterthought,

“Unless we’re still hungry.”

Renjun chuckled a little. He picked up his spoon and dug into his breakfast, eyes glazing over the visual of the eggs as he brought it close to his mouth, lips parted and ready to devour Jaemin’s culinary. He almost gasped out loud when his wrist throbbed at the movement.

Jaemin caught the small wince.

“Wae?” Round eyes studied him carefully it made Renjun sat up straighter in his seat. “Too much salt?” Jaemin inquired instead.

The Chinese shook his head. “I haven’t even tasted it.” He said. “My hand feels weird.” He further admitted, ignoring the pain that had come and dispersed as he carried on eating.

“Weird how?” Jaemin asked, putting down his spoon to reach out for Renjun’s hand but the older quickly pulled away.

“It’s nothing.” He stated, looking at Jaemin in the eyes and for a moment believing it was true when the sensation around his wrist was gone. Jaemin smugly returned his stare, a calculative look splayed effortlessly on his face.

“What are you guys doing?”

The sleepy voice of Lee Jeno cut through their conversation, making both heads turned towards the other guy. Unlike Jaemin, Jeno looked as bedraggled as he could early in the morning, having literally rolled out of his bed. He sluggishly walked over to the two, one hand scratching the side of his head while the other covering his mouth as he yawned.

“Ah, you’re awake.” Jaemin gestured for him to come over. “Let’s eat breakfast together.” He said.

“Why are you awake already?” Renjun questioned. His one-month-younger friend simply sat down and grabbed for the nearest thing to him on the counter.

Renjun watched dejectedly as his coffee got stolen right before his eyes.

“I thought I heard Chenle’s voice and then something sort of smashed.” Jeno huskily spoke after he drank from the cup, ignoring Renjun’s pointed look sent his way. “Is Haechan here already?”

“Nope.” Renjun made a popping noise with his mouth.

“Can I have some?” Jeno asked, already prodding at Jaemin’s plate with a chopstick and looking a lot more awake than before at the sight of the food.

Renjun tsked at him. “Get me my coffee first.” He instructed.

Jeno simply pushed back the cup he’d taken from Renjun’s side.

“Here.” He said. When he caught the look Renjun gave him, Jeno shifted in his seat and blinked a few times.

“Do you want a new one?” He carefully inquired. The eldest kept his eyes on him, narrowed and glaring. Jaemin was quick to defuse the tension.

“I’ll get it. There’s ramyeon for you too.” He spoke and got up from the chair.

Jeno gave an apologetic smile to his Chinese friend, to which Renjun simply rolled his eyes and continued eating.

“You know,” Jaemin spoke as he moved the pot from the stove onto the counter, “I think this comeback is going to be different.”

He returned with a new cup filled with the dark liquid and placed it next to Renjun. He didn’t sit back down though.

“You’ve been saying that ever since we listened to the demo for our title track, Jaemin-ah.” Jeno pointed out as he slurped the noodles hungrily.

Renjun nodded his head in agreement.

“True.” He said, staring a beat longer at his wrist. He didn’t notice Jaemin had moved and stood directly behind him, though when the other spoke Renjun remained unfazed and calm.

“And I’ll keep repeating it until you guys agree with me.” He stated, slowly lowering down his head and nuzzling his nose in the strands of Renjun’s brown hair.

He was partially surprised when Renjun didn’t react.

“Injun-ah.”

It took Renjun a tad slower than usual to respond.

“Hmm?”

Jaemin’s pondering look was back on him, and Renjun wondered what had he let slipped this time when the younger’s face slowly morphed into a smile.

He softly said,

“You smell nice.”

Renjun almost cursed at him.

* * *

Practice hadn’t gone for more than two hours when Renjun noticed the ache was there and it started to annoy him. He didn’t mention it though, pushing it to the back of his head every time they gathered for a discussion or simply to take a breath. He didn’t think it would’ve mattered to worry, reasoning that the sensation had only occurred for that day and might be gone the next morning.

Renjun never knew how wrong he was.

“Renjun hyung.”

Jisung came up next to him, holding a bottle of water and his phone in the other. They were on their third break before the dance instructor would let them move to the chorus part of the song and normally, Renjun would’ve been excited.

He was, excited.

But the steadily growing pull he felt in each move he did with his wrist dimmed the anticipation and Renjun just wanted for it to go away.

Not the excitement, but the pain.

“What?” He asked as the maknae flopped down beside him, crossing his legs in the same manner as Renjun and looking far too happy.

“I need your opinion on this.” Jisung pointed to the screen of his phone and the older studied the image. It was a pair of white sport shoes, lined with neon green and black identical to its shoelaces.

Renjun looked at the youngest. “What happened with the black one you were eyeing yesterday?”

Jisung blinked a few times. “Black shoes?” He muttered, pondering. “I think I passed on that. I have a few black shoes already.”

“Hyung doesn’t.” Jeno’s voice reached them when he entered the practice room, having returned from the washroom. He walked over to the two, towering over Renjun and squinting at Jisung’s phone. His glasses were on, Renjun took note.

“Jeno hyung,” Jisung called without looking up from his phone, “the last time I check you have about six pairs of sneakers and shoes. All black.” He stated.

Jeno pouted at the maknae who still had his eyes locked on the phone so he turned to the other, giving Renjun a pitiful look.

“It’s true, though.” Renjun affirmed. “You even said you’d give me a pair if my feet weren’t too small.”

“Indeed I-“

“What about this, hyung?” Jisung cut in, shoving his phone towards Renjun it made Jeno’s eyes rounded on him.

“Yah Park Jisung.” He almost growled.

Jisung looked up then, smiling sheepishly at the older before saying,

“Mian, hyung. I really need to decide before we get back to the dorm.”

Renjun reached out and took Jisung’s phone in his hand, scrutinizing the second pair of shoes displayed on the screen. He scrunched his nose, eyebrows furrowing and face analysing before he returned the gadget to its owner.

“The first one.” He simply said.

Jisung nodded his head. “Right? I thought so too.”

“Both will look good on you, Jisung-ah.” Jeno spoke, and at the same time the practice room door opened once again. Haechan walked in with Chenle by his side and Jaemin came a few steps behind them, shutting the door close before the instructor called out for them to gather.

“And we’re back to work.” Jeno softly mumbled when he walked towards the centre of the room. Renjun watched his retreating figure, knowing well the words were Jeno’s form of spark to get his spirit up.

It made Renjun felt elated as well.

“Let’s go, hyung.” Jisung spoke, standing up and dusting off his pants before putting away his belongings.

Renjun extended his right arm at the maknae.

“Pull me up.” He said, and Jisung didn’t miss a beat.

His hand was already in Renjun’s smaller one and putting his strength into it, the younger guy pulled his hyung to his feet.

It was only then Renjun realized how big of a mistake it was.

For when Jisung’s hand left his, the ache returned and if possible, stronger than before.

* * *

“Renjun hyung, that’s not it.”

“You need to keep it straight, hyung.”

“Injun-ah, you’re in my spot.”

“One more time, Renjun.”

“Again.”

“Renjun, your hands supposed to be higher.”

“Are we done yet? Can we call it a day?”

“When can we leave?”

Renjun’s head hung low as the Dreamies streamed out of the practice room in a single file, all dreading for food and shower after ten hours of practice. He was the last to exit the small space they’ve occupied for almost half a day, being at the back of the group as they dragged their legs to the vehicle waiting for them.

No one commented on how he was distancing himself from the group, walking at a slightly slower pace than the rest and not joining the bicker Haechan had purposely started with Jaemin. He could feel a certain pair of dark eyes trying to catch his but Renjun was not up for talking.

He just wanted to go back to the dorm, sleep the pain off and wake up better tomorrow. He wished the shame that had build during their practice was never there and he wanted to be in the conversation with his members. But he held himself back.

Renjun knew it would fade off - the feelings and emotions he’d pent up over the hours of getting the routine wrong and simultaneously slowing down their progress on the new choreograph. He was aware it wasn’t something new, they had a fair share of mistakes and setbacks in the past sufficed to teach them the essence of teamwork and brotherhood that what happened during practice shouldn’t have bothered him too much.

And Renjun wasn’t just bothered, he was shaken.

To think that a painful wrist could affect him so much.

A light touch on his arm pulled him back to reality. He looked around only to realize that they had arrived at their building and the others were already walking towards the entrance.

Jeno’s soft eyes were looking at him with unspoken words.

“You’re okay?” He asked as they got out of the vehicle.

They walked side by side to their dorm, trailing behind the two youngest obnoxiously speaking over one another. 

Renjun tried to flex his right wrist. A pull of ache and he was brought back to practice.

“No.” He answered without looking at Jeno. “I messed up so much today.”

They reached the front door and Jeno didn’t walk in, leaving only the two of them outside.

“We all did.” He said. “We always do when it’s our first day after all.”

“Really? Because I don’t remember getting pointed out for _everything_ before.” Renjun snapped.

He witnessed Jeno’s eyes went round until something else settled in his dark orbs.

He sighed. “You’re angry at yourself.” Jeno stated.

Renjun shook his head, defeated. “Wouldn’t you?”

Jeno didn’t answer him.

“What will you do later?”

The older between the two studied his shoes, ruminating Jeno’s question and easily finding the right words to say.

“Accept it, or maybe fall asleep trying to, and wake up with a new spirit.” He replied.

Jeno’s eyes turned crescent, his smile reaching his cheekbones.

“I was thinking along the line of having some food but that’ll work too. Perfect even.” Jeno told him with a small chuckle.

Renjun returned his smile as they both entered the dorm, their serene conversation replaced with shrieks and squeals from the other four.

“There you are!” exclaimed Haechan the moment Renjun set foot into the small living room of their dorm, barely avoiding a flying sock coming his way when he heard a chorus of laugh from the maknae and the other Chinese guy.

“What are you doing?” Renjun asked, amused. He felt Jeno took a step closer to him just as he caught sight of another flying object, this time a small towel rolled into a ball nearly hitting Jeno’s arm.

“Hah! You missed!” Chenle screeched, clapping his hands at Jisung’s failed attempt.

“Like you did!” Jisung countered, laughing out loud trying to match Chenle’s. Jaemin popped out from the kitchen, head tilted as he stared at Renjun.

The older raised his hands, showing both palms to the youngest of the 00 liner as defence.

“You’re not going to throw anything, are you?” He asked cautiously.

Jaemin shook his head. “I’m the judge here.”

“What competition is this?” inquired Jeno, ignoring the background noise though his eyes were fleeting between the living room and the kitchen, sensing for danger.

Jaemin fully revealed himself, walking out from the kitchen wearing an apron.

“The first person to get hit will be my assistant to prepare for dinner tonight.” He stated seriously.

Renjun caught a glimmer of something bright from the corner of his eyes and he moved quicker than he’d expected, narrowly dodging Haechan’s throw.

Jeno wasn’t fast enough.

The bundle of beanie hit him square in the face and the noise from before reduced into nothing.

No one moved.

“Jeno?” Jaemin called, his small voice betraying the cheerful look he wore on his face. Jeno’s expression was unreadable as he stared at the culprit.

“That was a mistake.” Haechan spoke, trying to sound apologetic though his mouth was twitching with mischief as he slowly tried to escape from the living room.

“I really hope so.” Jeno uttered, finally reacting to the situation. He grabbed his bag that hung on his shoulder and handed it over to Renjun without looking.

“Hold this for me.” He instructed. “I’m going to beat the light out of a sun.”

And he sprang across the room towards where Haechan was standing. The vocalist yelped as he ran away from the dancer’s wrath, knowing fully well that the direction he was heading to had no exit.

His scream followed seconds later and the rest of the Dreamies were already losing it as they laughed at Haechan’s cry for help.

Renjun had already forgotten of his earlier misery as he joined the chaos. And for once that day, his wrist finally stopped throbbing.


	3. Endurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Really?” Renjun played with the hem of his shirt, his mind suddenly blank of thoughts at the mention of his same-aged friends. “What were they saying?”  
>  “Something about you acting different. You’re the best at catching up with steps but you messed up quite a bit these few days.” Jisung honestly said.  
> Renjun’s smile disappeared, replaced with something sour but he quickly masked it off.  
>  “By a bit you mean a lot.” He muttered, resigned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi there! Yeay, an update! I hope you like how this is going so far. Thank you for giving this story kudos and leaving comments, I appreciate it so much. Enjoy this chapter and have a nice day! *winks

CHAPTER 3: ENDURANCE

Five days after Renjun developed the unexplained wrist pain, things got better fairly for him to be able to cope with practices and trainings. He’d managed to minimize the ache by controlling his movements and he was proud to say he could even fake some moves in their choreographs by manipulating certain angles because his right hand was currently handicapped.

Yes, Renjun was happy he could do what he was good at; dancing.

And no, no one knew about his wrist since Renjun kept it to himself.

But it took a toll on him _after_ all the controlling and faking. The agony doubled when at rest and Renjun couldn’t hide it if he wasn’t doing anything. He would find himself incapacitated by the throbbing engulfing his limb that often the rest of the Dreamies would catch him zoning out in the middle of their conversation.

He had unintentionally annoyed Chenle earlier that evening when the younger Chinese was calling his name and he didn’t respond to it. Renjun was trying so hard to push down the tremble wrecking his hand as he sat on the couch in the living room, eyes trained on the tv screen that he wasn’t paying attention to in the beginning when Jisung stepped into his view.

“Renjun hyung.” He’d called.

Only then did Renjun seem to notice his surroundings.

“Huh?” He’d said, looking up at the maknae who had a look on his face that Renjun would’ve definitely been able to decipher if it wasn’t for his clouded mind.

“Chenle’s been calling for you.” Jisung muttered with an edge in his tone.

Renjun turned his head around, searching for the said guy when he caught sight of the younger storming away from the living room towards the hall of their bedroom and the sound of a door slamming shut resonated in the space.

The oldest blinked his eyes.

“What happened?”

He heard Jisung shifted but Renjun could see nothing but silver. The maknae moved to sit beside the vocalist, wearing a bored look.

“Chenle’s been calling your name a few times and you didn’t answer.” He explained.

“What did he want?” asked Renjun.

“I don’t know, he was speaking in Chinese.” Jisung huffed, crossing his arms on his front and Renjun was mildly surprised with the act.

“What’s up with you then?” Renjun questioned, unintentionally using the wrong tone at the end of his speech. He realized his mistake when Jisung avoided his eyes and was busy staring at the floor instead.

The maknae played with his fingers, a habit Renjun knew the younger had when he was busy thinking or hiding something.

“Mianhe.” Renjun quickly said.

That made Jisung looked up and blinked at him, confused.

“Why?”

Renjun gulped a confession. “Is something bothering you?” He asked in a low voice this time, keeping his eyes on the youngest.

But it was so hard not to frown when his wrist felt like being pulled apart.

Thankfully Jisung wasn’t looking at him. The tall dancer seemed to be lost in his thoughts.

“Jisung-ah?” Renjun tried again.

Jisung cleared his throat and finally locked eyes with him.

“Hyung, you know you can come to me if you need anything, right?”

To say Renjun was flustered was an understatement. He studied the maknae’s face for a few seconds, mind wondering where was it coming from when Jisung spoke first,

“I may not be a big help but I can always listen, Renjun hyung.” He added shyly and Renjun’s smile was a reflex.

NCT’s maknae had indeed mould a special place in the hyungs heart the moment he first stepped into the room.

Renjun relaxed, leaning further into the couch mindful of his right hand secured in his lap. Perhaps his act wasn’t as perfect as he thought it was.

“Thank you, Jisungie.” He whispered softly, feeling the inexistent weight from his shoulders being lifted at Jisung’s words.

“Is something wrong though, hyung? You’ve been acting out of it lately.” The younger asked, voice dripping with concern and honesty.

Something within Renjun coiled in discomfort because he knew when he parted his lips, there was going to be nothing but deceit.

And he didn’t know why.

“No, nothing’s wrong.” He shook his head and smiled at Jisung.

The maknae kept staring at him.

“That’s not what the others think.” He spoke.

Renjun was dumbfounded for a moment.

“Who?”

“Jeno hyung and Jaemin hyung. I heard them talking the other day.” Jisung told him.

“Really?” Renjun played with the hem of his shirt, his mind suddenly blank of thoughts at the mention of his same-aged friends. “What were they saying?”

“Something about you acting different. You’re the best at catching up with steps but you messed up quite a bit these few days.” Jisung honestly said.

Renjun’s smile disappeared, replaced with something sour but he quickly masked it off.

“By a bit you mean a lot.” He muttered, resigned.

The maknae shook his head. “No, hyung. Actually, I didn’t really notice it since we’re on different sides in the formation but then Jaemin hyung pointed it out for me.” He explained. “And as I say, it was only quite a bit because I had to really pay attention to you to catch it.”

Renjun definitely didn’t know what to do with the information. All his head could surmise was that his same-aged friends knew he was acting out of the ordinary yet they didn’t say anything.

Something hollow punctured him in the chest.

It left Renjun feeling empty.

And similar to that, his smile was anything but real.

“Then I guess it’s nothing to worry about, right?” He tilted his head at the maknae, hoping to change the topic as soon as he could when he realized something.

The ache was gone.

Jisung was about to say more, Renjun caught the cue – the frantic blinking and the small wobbling of his lips as he fought for words – it was totally endearing and the older would’ve entertained him a while longer when he remembered that,

“Chenle’s still mad at me though.”

At the mention of his partner in crime, Jisung’s head whipped around towards the direction of their shared rooms.

“Probably.” He answered the vocalist. “But if you go and talk to him now, he won’t hold grudges against you for long.”

Renjun smirked at him. “Speaking from experience I see.”

Jisung rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Chenle’s just that kind.” He shrugged, aware that they all knew how easily persuaded their dolphin was.

The older took the chance to stand up, giving the taller dongsaeng a short glance before shuffling over to Chenle’s room, internally grateful that Jisung was able to let the conversation end there.

But his mind was still on the younger’s words, replaying in his head over and over like mantra.

He should’ve known better than to lie to his members.

* * *

The night was a challenge for Renjun.

He realized then the peace was only ever going to be temporary. It was like the small release from feeling the taut near his wrist was to give him space to comfort Chenle for his misdoing and true to Jisung’s words, he was forgiven almost instantly.

Chenle had been asking him for his charger back which Renjun had borrowed earlier that day since he couldn’t plug off his own from the socket (don’t ask why). The younger guy was already cooling off when Renjun knocked on his door, timidly entering with a grimace on his face as Chenle flashed him a glare.

But it was only short-lived.

Moments later, the room was filled with dolphin noises and Renjun almost forgot his problems until later that night when he rolled into bed, eyes heavy with sleep and body fatigue from their practice. He was always spared from feeling anything on his hand while in slumber and having the ache miraculously disappearing for the past hours only elevated Renjun’s mood.

He was, for once in that week, excited for tomorrow to come.

Perhaps it was finally time for whatever it was plaguing his joint to finally be gone.

He woke up with a jolt.

It had only been a couple of hours since he closed his eyes to Dreamland when Renjun felt something strong enough to pull him awake. He wasn’t disoriented enough to not know what it was but what caught him off guard was the intensity.

The pain was back and if possible, twice as bad as it usually felt like, that it forced Renjun to sit up in instant and gripped tightly on his forearm, eyes slowly forming quiet tears. He could feel himself shaking in the dark, all trace of slumber gone as he bit his lips and pushed down the pain.

He felt the pulses travelled down his hand at each breath and there wasn’t enough air for him to fight. Fear crawled on the edge of his crumbling strength.

It could’ve been half an hour – Renjun didn’t check, not that he could as he wasn’t thinking clear – when he decided to look for painkillers.

As stealthily as he could, Renjun tiptoed outside his room towards the kitchen cupboard where he last saw their first aid kit. He didn’t have his own supply of medicine kept in his room; Renjun rarely ever needed it compared to the other Dreamies.

He searched for the box for a good five minutes when his hand couldn’t handle it and it almost made Renjun screamed in frustration. He glanced over at the bedroom hallway, contemplating his choice as he stepped carefully towards one particular room.

Renjun was fighting back tears at the point when he raised his left hand to knock on the door. He wasn’t expecting for any answer, it was late and they were all probably sleeping so Renjun let himself in.

“Jeno?” He called, standing by the side of the dancer’s bed. Jeno’s sleeping form was in his view and all Renjun could think of was for someone to help him.

“Lee Jeno.” He shook the younger guy by his side with his good hand, a tinge of guilt blossomed at waking him up for something Renjun didn’t feel important. For a second Renjun regretted his action, but Jeno had always been a light sleeper.

He started to wake, his eyes blinking lazily in the dark and motions too slow for a sane man.

“Hmmm?” Jeno growled sleepily, staring up at Renjun.

“I need your help.” Renjun spoke, not noticing how his voice wavered shakily. He sniffed, and it was like a broken string of serenity encasing Jeno’s head at the sound. Jeno hastily scrambled off his bed, standing up like a soldier trained for war and looking straight at the older.

“What’s wrong, Renjun?” He gulped and in the gloom of his room, Jeno could only make out a little of the Chinese’ face.

“Where do you keep the med box?” Renjun asked, speaking softly into the night knowing Jeno was awake enough to hear him.

The taller between the two shifted, trying to catch the other’s eyes in the dark.

“In the cabinet under the kitchen’s sink.” He told him, still searching for what was wrong with Renjun but the latter wasn’t looking at him.

“Can you find it for me?”

Something was definitely wrong, Jeno concluded as he nodded his head in the dark. He moved to grab Renjun by his hand and guide both of them to the kitchen when the vocalist flinched at the contact.

Jeno’s surprise was evident in the shadows.

“What’s wrong, Renjun?” He tried again, this time grounding the smaller guy with his hands on the narrow shoulders, relieved to feel Renjun relaxed sightly in his grasps. Only then Jeno realized Renjun was trembling.

“You need to tell me what’s wrong so I can help.” Jeno spoke, his voice low with worry. He didn’t want to panic but the rarity of which Renjun would wake him up in the middle of the night asking for help was starting to get on his calm nerves. He kept his hold on the older as Renjun spoke calmly,

“I need some painkillers.”

And this time, it was Renjun who grabbed him by the wrist and pulled them both towards the kitchen. He didn’t mention how the vocalist’s touch was cold on his skin. Jeno dug out their first aid kit from the cupboard, rummaging through a few other things before holding out a bottle of pills.

He looked at the object in his hand, then turned to Renjun. Under the kitchen light, Jeno could finally see the signs he was looking for a while ago.

Renjun’s face was anything but calm, his eyebrows furrowed and forehead glistening with tiny beads of sweats that his newly-dyed silver strands stuck on his temple. For a moment, he thought Renjun had a fever until Jeno locked eyes with him.

“Where are you hurting?” inquired Jeno.

Tired eyes were staring back at him, lacked of their mirth usually reserved for the younger members. Somehow, Jeno wished it would always be there.

“How many should I take?” Renjun mumbled almost to himself, eyeing the bottle in Jeno’s hand.

The younger guy placed it on the counter. “Two at most. But you’re not supposed to take it with empty stomach.”

He moved towards the refrigerator, hoping to find something for the older guy to munch on but then Renjun stopped him.

“It’s okay. I’ll just take it.” He uttered, moving to grab himself a glass of water.

“You sure?” Jeno asked, frowning at the behaviour Renjun was displaying but he didn’t want to add misery to the vocalist so he didn’t push.

He watched as Renjun swallowed two tablets and put down the glass, the outline of his birthmark mesmerising Jeno’s view until he noticed something else.

“What is that?” He questioned, and if he was frowning earlier, he was certain his eyebrows were drawn into a single line by then.

He didn’t wait for Renjun’s reply, already reaching out for the smaller’ arm and studying his wrist.

There was a swelling under his thumb area and Jeno didn’t have to touch it to know it was tender.

“How did this happen?” He stared at Renjun who stared back at his hand.

“Injun-ah?” Jeno prodded, his thumb gently ghosting over the swollen joint. He could feel the heat coming from the older’s skin and he let his fingers wrapped Renjun’s smaller, colder one.

“You’re shaking.” He pointed out, and still the Chinese was mute.

“C’mon.” Jeno took it to himself to pull Renjun towards the living room, settling him down on the couch and turning on the tv to let the screen act as the source of light.

He went back to the kitchen and grabbed a few cubes of ice, wrapping them in a cloth before sitting down next to Renjun.

“Hope this helps.” He muttered softly before placing the cloth on the swollen area. Jeno studied Renjun’s face, waiting for response.

“Thanks.” Renjun finally said, letting his arm went limp in Jeno’s hold.

“Is it better?”

He nodded his head, eyes locked on the tv screen as colours reflected on his orbs looking surreal. Jeno could see the strain in them.

“Does it hurt a lot?” Jeno asked.

The older breathed in shakily. “Not always.” He truthfully said.

Jeno sighed quietly. “Injun-“

“I don’t know how this happened. It just started out of nowhere.” Renjun spoke in a rather hushed tone.

Jeno kept his eyes on the older. “Is this why you’ve been acting different?”

And that made Renjun turned to him.

“Different how?” He asked, almost snappish. He blamed the cold pressure Jeno was applying on him, though he knew it was more comforting than anything else.

“Your behaviour, you act weird sometimes.” Jeno told him with no edge in his tone it made Renjun felt guilty and embarrassed all in one. He would’ve pulled away his hand, the one Jeno was still holding and caressing, but they were friends and Renjun was far more mature than he wished he was.

He displayed his defeat. “You knew. You and Jaemin, both.” He swallowed the lump forming in his throat. “Why didn’t you guys say anything?” He questioned, this time a lot calmer than he was.

Jeno seemed to catch that because Renjun felt him patted his arm.

“Why didn’t _you_ tell us about this?” Jeno returned the inquiry, eyes looking earnestly at Renjun.

And he couldn’t think of anything to say, excuses to give or words to comfort even himself. Unlike Jisung, Jeno was quick to read between the lies, especially Renjun’s.

So he forced himself to retreat from the relief instead.

“It’s not a big deal. It’ll go away soon, I promise.” He said, slowly peeling his arm off Jeno’s lap.

“Promise is a big word.” uttered Jeno, eyeing his not so discreet movement.

“And I’m a big guy.” Renjun jokingly said. “I’m fine, really. We should go back to sleep. Thanks for helping me tonight, Jeno.”

“Anytime, Renjun.” He gave him a smile. The older returned it before standing up and slowly walking towards his room, the sound of the door clicking shut told Jeno that he was alone in the living room.

Renjun might’ve thought he had gotten away but Jeno knew the older too well to miss the signs.

He wouldn’t let it slip again next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me your honest thoughts <3

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me your thoughts *kisses


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